Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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