It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
