Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
