I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
BRING THE BAGELS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
