Me. At least after what I've been through.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
