youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
