So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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