Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
