Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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