I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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