my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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