Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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