Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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