u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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