I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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