So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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