Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
