if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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