Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
