The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
