just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
