East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My penis needs a shock collar
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
