i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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