Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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