I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
