Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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