His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
