Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
