PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
