Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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