My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
