Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
