My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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