no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
