I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
