Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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