Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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