How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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