He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
