dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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