i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did I show you my penis last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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