is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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