omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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