I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
bring money and cleavage
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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