Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
