please come you make the beer taste better
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
