are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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