I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
either way he was missing a nipple.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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