I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
