if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
