Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
