Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
