Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
