it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
