My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
