I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize