My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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