can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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