You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
