Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
