drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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