I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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