Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize