Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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